I’ve really convinced myself that our breakup is inevitable and that it’s better to get it over with sooner rather than later. He wants kids, I think having children at this point is irresponsible. He wants to buy a house and settle down, I’m still trying to figure out what the fuck I have to offer this world.

Because I know that my grocery store job will not sustain me forever.

And I will not be his broodmare.

It is truly surreal that tumblr has once again become my dumping ground of secrets, ten years later.

I’m literally forming plans to break up with my boyfriend and move out while he is asleep in our room. It’s terrible, but I haven’t felt like myself in so long, and I think I finally have the healthy support I need to make it through a breakup without relapsing. Because I am absolutely addicted to the idea and structure and social acceptability of relationships.

forever gaslighting myself

I have like 20 people coming over to my house tonight and I’m in my room crying

trying to socialize but having nothing to offer to any conversation ever

just feeling like a piece of human garbage, as per usual

my new roommate facetimes with someone EVERY NIGHT and it is further cementing my loneliness in the world